Grandparenting

Putting your experience to good use

Being a grandparent is, more often than not, a joy and a pleasure. However, along with that joy, grandparenting also presents new challenges. While we tend to think of grandchildren as extensions of our children, we must also realize that our authority is limited over grandchildren. This can sometimes lead to friction in the family, especially since our grandchildren have two parents and one of them is not our child!

Potential Conflicts

As grandparents, we must adopt the ability to be able to let our children parent, while we grandparent. In most cases, the roles are easily assumed and there is no problem. Problems can sometimes be created depending on circumstances. If there are three generations under one roof, this can create some tension and some boundary issues. The politics of parenting and grandparenting can be very touchy. It may be your home, and your child may have a parenting style with which you do not agree. While you may not have authority to parent your grandchildren, you do have the right to set the rules of your home. Emotionally, this can be very hard on grandparents. Hopefully, the parents in this situation can come to look on the grandparents as live-in parenting resources, with years of knowledge and experience to draw on.

If your children and grandchildren do not live with you, the lines are a little clearer. You are able to offer parenting advice, but still let your child raise your grandchild as they see fit. There may be times when a grandparent steps in, and that may be welcomed or unwelcomed, but it is human nature. Most of the time, the grandparents, the parents and the grandchildren can all exist in harmony. They have their job, you have yours.

When to Step In

Sadly, there are more extreme cases when grandparents not only have the right, but a responsibility to protect their grandchildren. In cases of abuse or neglect, a grandparent should step in. Although as it stands today, grandparents rights are not well established, the priority is to protect your grandchild, at all costs. Do not take this challenge on lightly. Be well prepared and get a good lawyer!

There is bound to be friction from time to time, as everyone struggles with roles. But the grandkids, at least, have no problem realizing their role: to be a kid! That is how it should be. Politics between the parents and grandparents should not include or involve the children at all. Settle things away from little ears. If everyone is able to do this, many problems can be avoided.